Monday, January 24, 2011

Togiola and Faleomavaega: One Day at a Bar

Togiola was talking to Faleomavaega one day how both of them had lost touch with the people. "Eni, I have a great idea! I know how we can win back the people."

"Great, but how so you propose we go about that", asked Eni? "

Togiola responds, "we'll put on some everyday clothes like most people wear, and then we'll buy a dog. When we look the part, we'll go to a quiet bar somewhere in Tafuna and show them that we really enjoy the regular life of the island, and show admiration and respect for the hard working people living there."

A few days later, all decked out and with the requisite dog at heel, they set off from the Governor's Office towards Tafuna. Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking for.

With the dog in tow, they walk into the bar. When they stepped up to the bar, the bartender takes a step back and says, "Aren't you Togiola and Faleomavaega?"

"Yes we are", says Togiola, "and what a great bar you have here. We were just passing through and Eni suggested we stop and take in some local color."

They then order a couple of beers and proceed to drink them down, all the while, chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.

All of a sudden... the bar room door opens and a grizzled old man comes in. He walks up to the dog, lifts its tail, and looks underneath, shrugs his shoulders and walks out the door.

A few moments later, in comes another old man... walks up to the dog, lifts its tail, looks underneath, scratches his head and then leaves the bar.

Over the course of the next hour or so, another four or five people come in, lift the dog's tail, and go away looking puzzled.

Eventually Togiola and Eni could stand it no longer and called the bartender over.

"Tell me", says Eni, "why did all those old men come in and look under the dog's tail like that? Is it some sort of old custom here?"

"Good Lord no", said the bartender. "Its just that someone had told them there was a dog in this bar with two Assholes and they wanted to come in to have a look!"

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Faleomavaega Partly to Blame for Tucson Tragedy

Although we are not aware of any public statements Faleomavaega may have made following the Tuscon shooting that took six lives, he nonetheless has to shoulder part of the blame for the tragedy.  For it is the left wing of the Democrat Party, of which he is a proud member, that has forced the "mainstreaming" of so many mentally ill persons who a generation ago would have been receiving in-patient treatment at secure facilities.  Shame on him for such an ill conceived policy.

Although he is the senior Democrat in Congress involved in Asian affairs, President Obama passed him over when extending invitations for last week's dinner honoring Chinese President Hu, just as he was snubbed for the state dinner for the leader of India, even though he long has been a congressional champion of U.S.-Indian relations.  We hoped he enjoyed his consolation prizes: a ride to Washington from Hawaii on Air Force One and an  invitation to have lunch with Hu a day after the lavish State Dinner.

In fact, the presidential plane ride may be the high point of Eni's year.  Since his return to minority status in the House, Eni has watched himself stripped of his chairmanship and stripped of his vote in the Committee of the Whole.  Moreover, Republicans have slashed five percent from his office budget and new restrictions have been placed on congressional travel.   In many ways, as a non-voting delegate, he is lower on the totem pole than the nine new Democrats who were elected to the House.  He may have a nicer office than they do because of his seniority but that's about all.  If you want to see what it's like to be a new member in the minority, just read this article:

Meanwhile, in the wake of Hawaii Governor Neil Abercrombie's failure to find Barack Obama's legitimate birth certificate, questions are being asked anew about Faleomavaega's role in covering up Obama's past.  One such article his here:   Perhaps the Obama plane ride was to assure Faleomavaega's continued silence about the real purpose of his trip to Indonesia.

Faleomavaega also figured in the Wikileaks diplomatic document dump.   One classified cable generated by the U.S. embassy in New Zealand said "Bainimarama asked Australia and New Zealand to drop their demands for 2009 elections, and called on the other PIF states to not listen to Australia and New Zealand.  He also credited U.S. Representative Eni Faleomavaega with having a better understanding of the situation in Samoa and that Faleomavaega's views, rather than those of Australia and New Zealand, should form the basis of USG policy towards Fiji."   Even if he isn't as welcome in Washington these days, at least Eni seems to continue to have a fan in Fiji's dictator.

Since he is virtually useless in Washington now, our betting is that Eni will find a way around the travel restrictions and be back on the road as soon as he can.  Nothing for him to do in DC and besides, now that his floor vote has been taken away, he won't have to worry about being exposed, as he was last term, as the Member of Congress to miss the most votes (41%).  Of course, don't expcect the territory's leading newspaper, Samoa News, to cover any of this.  His sister-in-law continues to be one of the small group of editors of the paper.  And so it goes.


Saturday, January 8, 2011

Faleomavaega: The Travelin' Man

A beautiful young Samoan woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, Congressman  Eni Faleomavaega stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said Eni. "Look, I'm sailing up to Honolulu tomorrow and I can stow you away on the ship.  "I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Hawaii, the woman accepted.

That night Eni brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.

Five days later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of your passengers," she replied. "He brings food and I get a free trip to Honolulu."

"I see," the captain says.

"Plus," (wanting to make a full confession, she adds) "He's screwing me!"

"He certainly is" replied the captain. "This is the Manu’a Ferry."